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And the non-drinkers, she says, “definitely tend to be weirder: they seem way more neurotic and insecure—or at least more in touch with their insecurities.” Don’t get me wrong—many sober people have no problem dating drinkers…to a point.“A woman doesn’t have to sober but she has to be conscious,” says David, a 34-year-old sober actor, adding, “When it’s been established that I am sober and then we go out for dinner and she has three glasses of wine and is smoking an E-cigarette, that would be classified as not conscious.” The majority of the sober people try not to look at the dating pool as drinkers versus non-drinkers, but rather people for whom drinking is important, and those for whom it isn’t.Elizabeth, a 32-year-old writer in New York, says she would never reveal that she was sober on a first, second, or even third date “unless it somehow came up” because “it’s like if I was a vegetarian: it’s just something I do—it doesn’t make me who I am.” And David also waits until the topic comes up organically—even if that’s a few weeks into dating. Claire, a 39-year-old voiceover actress, once went out with a guy I knew.He told me afterwards that he assumed, because she never wanted to split a bottle of wine with him, that she was silently communicating a lack of interest.This latter group—a slice of society most of us never knew existed pre-sobriety—is the one we’re targeting.We’re also looking for people who are living the way we are—that is, by trying to improve themselves and focus on self-honesty, even when it’s of the brutal variety.Sometimes this confession will be followed by no acknowledgment at all, or a simple nod. Profiles let you list whether or not—and how often—you drink, smoke, and do drugs.Of course, then there are times when you see an alarmed look pass over his face. For me, this means passing by the men who check “regularly” under drinking or drugs (or who mention, say, whiskey on lists of things they couldn’t live without).
Gay Christian dating services exist, and secular dating apps such as Tinder serve the wider gay community as well as heterosexuals.
Or even when your suitor is scanning the wine list and asking if you’d prefer red or white. Dating While Sober can be a hassle, annoyance, or even a burden. and New York—the two cities where I’ve dated since quitting—know what “I’m sober” means. ” with a look as if I just revealed I spend my evenings with Tom Cruise awaiting a space transport to Xenu.